What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex

Last updated: April 2, 2017
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex

You settle into your bed exhausted from the day. You slip off into dreamland hoping to have visions of relaxing on a beach or winning the lottery. Sometimes, however, it isn’t the beach or money that you are dreaming about. Often, your ex tiptoes into your dreams causing a gamut of mixed emotions. What does it mean when you dream about your ex? Are you still in love with that person, or is your subconscious playing games with you? It appears that they are still in your system. How does one move on from the past when they keep having dreams of someone they were once involved with?


You Cannot Help Who You Love

You will be happy to learn that dreaming about your ex is completely normal. Your mind has attachments to your ex whether they be sexual or emotional. Sometimes, you are required to make decisions with your brain rather than with your heart. Your brain may tell you that a liar and cheater is not worth the time of day, but your heart may not feel the same. You cannot help who you fall in love with. The process of falling out of love can take weeks, months, or even years. As the old song says, "breaking up is hard to do."

Dreams Can Mean Unfinished Business

If you are dreaming about an ex girlfriend or boyfriend, it could be that your psyche is trying to tell you something. Perhaps, you have unfinished business with this person. Do you still have personal belongings of theirs? Did you say a proper goodbye? When there are lingering issues that have not been taken care of, and you try to block them out of your mind, they will pop up at the most inopportune times. Consequently, when you are asleep, you cannot control what your brain does.

If you are trying to sort out what went wrong, it may spark your brain to replay what happened in a loop. Some people will have the same dream over and over again. Additionally, if you are trying to enter into a new relationship, you may be reliving the positives and negatives of your old relationship. You could be having what psychiatrists call "symbolic dreams." These dreams have distorted images, and an ex acts very different in these dreams. The symbolic dream is just your psyche trying to sort things out.

Analyzing Your Dreams

Before jumping to conclusions about your dreams, you should ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you want to get back together with your ex?
  • Do you have feelings whether you want to admit it or not?
  • Are you missing them or missing being in a relationship with someone?
  • Are you lonely after the breakup?
  • Do you need affection?
  • Are you feeling incomplete in life?
  • Have you ended your relationship on a positive note and are trying to be friends?
  • Are you having current relationship issues that are bringing the past back to haunt you?
  • Are you under a great deal of pressure that is causing you to feel stressed out?

These are all common reasons why you may be dreaming about your ex. Many people break up only to make up and get back together later on. You could be feeling lonely, and loneliness may be feeding your need for companionship. Many people want to run back to a place where they felt safe, especially if their life is in a current state of turmoil. If your ex was a good lover or companion, you may long for the relationship that was once so important to you. So many times, people love the idea of being in love more than the person that they are in love with.

The Most Common Dreams About Your Ex​

A dream about an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend can be disturbing, especially if the dream is of a sexual nature. Trying to get them out of your system would be easier if you were not picturing yourself in a romantic interlude. Perhaps, your dreams are more on the bizarre end of the spectrum. Here are the most common dreams that people have about their ex:

  • ​Visions of Passionate Kissing
  • Sexual Pleasures Being Fulfilled
  • Their Untimely Death
  • Getting Back Together Again
  • Your Ex is Wanting You Back Again

Does A dream about Ex Girlfriend or Boyfriend Equal Cheating

​If you're struggling to shake a dream about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend from your subconscious, you should know that you are not alone. Most people are more likely to daydream about an ex than their current companion. Recently, Dream Companion surveyed 1,173 men and women to find some answers. They wanted to know what goes on in their minds when they are sleeping, and the results were quite shocking. The study discovered that 29 percent of people were dreaming about an ex regularly.

What was more surprising is that only 25 percent fantasized about being with their current partners. To add insult to injury, only one out of every five people would tell their partner they were thinking about an old flame. Dreaming about your ex may cause some insecurities in the current relationship, so it's probably a good thing that many people don’t talk in their sleep or they would have a great deal of explaining to do.

​Is Jealousy A Bad Thing

​It is normal to have a bit of jealousy in a relationship. In fact, being proud and taking ownership of something you value can be good. However, there is a fine line between being proud and being possessive. Perhaps, the one-fifth of people who would tell their partner about their dreams feared no recourse. Consequently, it seems that more often than not, people are fearful of telling their companions anything to do with a past relationship. Do people see a harmless dream as cheating? If so, they must examine the motives behind the dream.

If a dream about an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is because you want to get back together with him or her, then it could be threatening to your current partner. Some couples are always living in the shadow of past loves. Do you constantly compare your relationship to one in the past? Does it seem that no one measures up to him or her? Are you always thinking about having sexual relations with your ex when you are in bed with your current partner? If you can answer yes to these questions, it is safe to say something is probably not right in your current relationship. The old saying states that our beds are crowded, but some people would rather leave the past in the past.​

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex​

Dreaming about your ex is probably harmless. If you are in a new relationship, then you may not be secure yet. You may lack the companionship that the old flame brought you. Unless they were abusive and a monster, there were probably numerous good times that you will relive many times over. Don't give too much thought into dreaming about an ex. You dream every night, whether you remember it or not. One night you may have a hot, sizzling dream about an ex-lover, and the next night you could dream you are in a tornado. There is often no rhyme or reason to what we dream. So, what does it mean when you dream about your ex? Well, it is hard to say; however, chances are it means nothing at all. If the dreams are persistent and bothersome, then it may be time to talk to a counselor about them. Your subconscious may be trying to tell you something.​

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