Last updated: April 3, 2017
Dreams can be exhilarating, frightening, puzzling, revealing, or even amusing. It seems like such a mysterious process; we go to sleep and suddenly our entire landscape changes in ways we could never even imagine in our waking state. But is it possible to somehow control our dreams, to decide while we are awake that there is a specific person or situation we want to dream about? It may be surprising to learn that the answer is yes. We can learn how to dream about someone by practicing certain techniques before we close our eyes and drift off and even when we are actively dreaming.
It’s a process known as lucid dreaming, and it allows the dreamer to be aware that he or she is dreaming and to have some control over the contents of their dreams. This is not an intrinsic power that we can just order on demand; rather, lucid dreaming requires practice on a regular basis. Once you have become familiar and comfortable with the process and have incorporated it into your daily routine, you will discover that there are ways to bring someone into your dreams.
Know Your Dreams
For someone who has never thought much about their dreams or who has had dreams they desperately want to remember but find them fading away like smoke quickly after waking, the first step toward lucid dreaming is to become conscious about your normal dreams. An excellent way to do this is to keep a dream journal and to make sure that you record your dreams in as much detail as possible as soon as you wake up.
For those who don’t like journaling, you can use a small recording device to preserve images, feelings, and narratives that occur in dreams. Even if you decide not to write or record your dreams, part of the learning process is to spend a few minutes lying quietly in bed when you first wake up, recalling what you dreamed about and picturing as many elements and incidents in those dreams as you can. This practice will help clarify and identify recurring themes, places, and people who are in your normal dreams, and this awareness will help put you on the road to lucid dreaming.
How to Dream About Someone
Once you have spent some time concentrating on your dreams and identifying patterns in them, you will find it becoming easier to feel more conscious and aware when you are dreaming. When you are comfortable with this feeling, you can proceed to the next step, dreaming about someone you want to dream about.
When you have acclimated to the idea of lucid dreaming and have decided there is a specific person you want to encounter in your dreams, use repetition to help achieve your goal. Assure yourself several times each day that you will be able to see this individual in your dreams. This kind of positive reinforcement will plant the idea firmly in both your conscious and subconscious and will help open the door to controlling the content of your dreams.
Not everyone has the luxury of being able to take a nap in the afternoon but, if you can fit a nap into your routine, you may find that naps are very conducive to lucid dreaming. Because naps are truncated versions of nighttime sleeping, the body adjusts and enters the REM sleep stage very quickly, and this is the stage that produces lucid dreaming. Even while we are napping, both the body and the mind are still in the active daytime mode, and this can propel more active dreams.
When you go to bed, concentrate on the individual you want to dream about. Think about specifics like hair color, the sound of his or her voice, and how they walk, laugh, and gesticulate. Picture that person in your dream smiling or hugging you in greeting. Whether it is silent or said aloud, repeat a phrase like, “Rudy will be in my dream tonight” several times so the thought will be firmly settled in your mind. Keep a relaxed attitude while you do this; then let yourself fall asleep.
Once you have had some success with lucid dreaming and are aware of when it is happening, you can develop the ability to manage the content of your dreams, including not only who you want to see but also the circumstances of your meeting. There are endless ways to imagine someone in your dreams, and adding specific scenes to your daily reminders that you will see this person in your dreams will help create a framework and backdrop to lucid dreaming. Expectations and beliefs are important here. Try to maintain a very positive attitude when dreaming, and remind yourself to not just look or ask, but to expect to find the person you are seeking in your dream.
When you have entered the state of lucid dreaming, close your eyes in the dream and picture the person you want to see in a setting that seems both correct and comfortable for the meeting. It can be a beautiful garden, a coffee house, your own living room, or whatever pleases you. Concentrate on that picture until it is clear and defined in your mind, then open your dream eyes expecting the scene to be there.
Doors and Corners
While you are in your lucid dreaming state, take advantage of any objects that might stop you from seeing the person you want to see. Pull a curtain aside, open or knock on a closed door, or turn a corner with the expectation that the person will then be visible to you.
If there are other people in your dream, ask them if they know where the person you want to see is. Do this expecting to get an answer that will point you toward finding that person.
Sometimes, the surroundings in our dreams are completely fabricated and bear little or no resemblance to places and things in our waking lives; however, just as often, we will recognize settings to be something from daily life even if they are slightly different than they look when we are awake. If there is a place in your dream that you think your person might be, go there in your dream and expect to find them there. This is somewhat advanced in terms of lucid dreaming, since it often involves flying to that location (flying is considered normal in lucid dreams), but it is definitely worth trying.
Some Added Tips
Once you have learned the basics regarding how to dream about someone, there are a few important points to keep in mind.
- Don’t Get Rattled by Reactions: Don’t anticipate specific reactions from the person you see in your dream. That individual may not expect you or want to meet with you at first, so maintain a calm and cheerful demeanor and reassure them with your attitude and actions as well as your words that you are happy to see them and you believe that they are happy to see you. Whatever happens, remain calm and collected, and this will help you remain in that lucid dreaming state as long as possible. Always remember that even when you can actually experience the wonder of bringing someone into your dream, you still don’t have control over what that person may do or say.
- Practice, Practice, Practice: Unless you are that rare person who is born with the gift of lucid dreaming, acquiring this ability will take practice – lots of practice. Don’t become frustrated. Expect this learning process to be difficult at first, and try not to feel discouraged if it takes more time than you would like to get to the point where you can experience lucid dreaming. Just keep focusing, visualizing, and thinking about the person you want to see and the circumstances you’d like to be in when you meet in your dreams.
- Go Back to Sleep: If you wake up in the middle of a dream or just after one has ended and you want to continue on with that dream, close your eyes again and concentrate on the dream. Picture it in as much detail as you can, and you may be able to return to that dream as you fall asleep again.
These are the basic tools for learning how to dream about someone, but there is much more to discover. Just like every individual has unique dreams, everyone who learns and practices lucid dreaming has their own methods of putting themselves into that kind of dream state. Experiment with the techniques discussed here and feel free to add, subtract, and change any of these methods until you find the route that is best suited for you. Above all, enjoy this wondrous personal adventure.